My husband and I had accepted that we were not going to have children. We were fine. We had other things to do. When I missed my period, I brushed off the idea of pregnancy and immediately went to ‘stress.’ Now my period was never really late. I had my period every month of my life since I was nine years old. Yet somehow I was like ‘ehh’ stress.

I went to the Florida Romance Writers Christmas party and I had a glass of wine and ordered fish. The fish tasted like metal in mouth and the wine made my breasts hurt. I came home from the party and told my husband ‘there is something wrong with me.’ It was either I was getting sick or I was pregnant.

I waited till the next morning to do an at-home pregnancy test. It was positive. I yelled. My husband ran into the bathroom thinking I hurt myself in some way. I showed him the test. He closed his eyes, said basically ‘you scared me.’ Five minutes later he was excited and asking questions. I went onto my insurance website and scoured the doctors in my area for their expertise and experience.

Monday morning I called the doctor I had chosen. He had an appointment the next day. He asked about my periods after he confirmed I was pregnant. While I’ve always had them, I am not good at tracking them. I don’t remember exact dates. We did sonography to determine the baby’s conception and my due date.

Seeing your basically fertilized egg didn’t make my heart grow with unimaginable love or excitement. (When the baby looked like a baby later on, this is completely a different topic and experience.) I didn’t know you could ask for pictures from the sonography. At this point there wasn’t a heart beat. It was early.

My newest mission, beside sleep, was now to just stay healthy and ensure nothing happened to me. I was pregnant with that one in ten thousand probability. Despite the dangers that swam in my head, I knew this was exactly what I wanted in life.

The doctor’s office now gave me hope that perhaps one day I can experience life as a mother and wife. I know it’s old fashioned, but nothing thrills me more.