The second story about doctors and what I was told is this. When I was about 20 so far older and much easier to remember, I was walking to Blockbuster to rent a movie. It was a straight shot from our house though I had to cross a few small streets. The maximum speed on those streets is 30 MPH.

I looked both ways. A car was stopped on one of the streets. I started my journey. Halfway across, the car in the parking spot turned on and clearly didn’t see me. She pulled out of the spot and gently tapped my legs.

I wasn’t hurt. The woman in the car vaulted. Another woman chased her as she called 911. Someone came out and checked on me. I was standing. I don’t remember having any bruises. Then the police came and insisted I went to the hospital. I walked there as I called my mom on my cell phone.

I remember waiting in the ER and my mom bounding in to join me. She looked relieved when I hugged her and told her I was fine.

Later on doctors came running at me with a bed and saying ‘she needs immediate spinal surgery.’ I jumped out of my chair. That wasn’t going to happen in this community hospital. Absolutely not. I told them no. Mom agreed. We walked out of the hospital and I called a good hospital with spinal specialists.

A few days later I had my appointment. I have spondylolisthesis category 4, between L4 and L5. I have the MRI’s to prove the injury and no it wasn’t from that lady who didn’t see me. I had a mixture of accident and hereditary markers that it was impossible to tell what caused the most damage. My prognosis though… stay under 150 pounds and I won’t have any need for surgery.

What about pregnancy and gaining weight then? The doctors said it was best if I avoided it. I’d never ‘carry to term.’ I’d set myself up for disappointment. This along with my scar told me plenty.

I was destined to forever be alone. What man in the world would marry me? I was damaged. It was better to not bother and just enjoy life alone. This was the plan for many, many years. The idea was firmly entrenched because of these doctors.